i have a confession to make ...

I use to judge mothers who chose to work outside the home. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it was intentional. In fact, I really don’t even think I knew I was doing it (I saw it more as simply supporting mothers who chose to stay home). But it was there. That judgement. That questioning of motives. That questioning of loyalties. That wondering, “how could you want to give any part of your precious life to someone, something other than your most important thing?” But, just like most things that you learn over time and experience, I have come to see things a bit differently. 

Don’t be too hard on me. You know you’ve done it too. Passed judgement on other mothers. Maybe you’ve wondered (pre-parenthood) why your friends’ kids were so crazy when they came over to your perfectly decorated (and very child-unfriendly) home. Until over time you had your own children and was the one doing the wrangling of busy kids in someone else’s house. I suppose it’s quite natural to judge really, at least to ourselves, at least internally. It’s part of life. It’s part of the evolution of our own personal thoughts and philosophies about this crazy journey. It’s how we go about evaluating choices and paths. And that’s okay. 

But over time, our feelings about things (about judgments we have made) change. They just do. 14 years have passed since I had my first child. Three more little ones followed fairly quickly behind the first, and then another (a sweet little 5th) came dawdling behind. That little dawdler is now 5 and in school full time. Years ago, I never thought I would have wanted anything besides being a mother. I thought I would devote my entire life to forming and shaping and molding this family of mine. I thought, “if family is the most important thing,” (which I still absolutely believe that it is), “then ‘working on’ my family must be the absolute best thing for me to do.”

And actually, the answer to that is probably still a resounding “yes!” it is the best thing to do— much of the time. However, life is long and there are many hours in each week and in order for a mother, a woman to be at her absolute best, she needs to find passions in her life, she needs to expand her mind in whatever way shape or form she prefers, she needs to be a person—separate and unique from her family and her children. And her family and children need to see her doing this. They need to know that life is about living and developing and reaching our own goals (not just helping others reach theirs, although that’s good too). 

It goes without saying, all moms needs these things to different degrees and at different times. Some moms manage the career and family from the get go. Hopefully they find balance or a healthy integration. Other moms make motherhood their primary career. And in the beginning of that career, there is no time for thinking of anything but picking up messes and changing diapers. Passion and expansion at that point can be found in very different (and usually very small) ways compared to later in life. I was one of these moms, and up until the last few years, you would have found me simply surviving day to day.    

But now, here I am, later in life. I love my children. I love my family. I married and started having kids very young and a “career” probably wasn’t much of an option at that point for me personally. Now, though, that’s a different story. I am ready. I am ready to support my family at home, but I’m also ready to do something more outside of my home in the big wide world. Will it take some of the time and effort away from my family? Yes, it absolutely will. But it will give them something back. Something I had never anticipated when I was just starting out. Something I didn’t consider when I looked at the “working” mothers. That something is so big and yet in a way so minuscule. It is something grandiose and yet simple. Basically, it is something indescribable and it is different from person to person. So, I’ll let you figure out what that something is. 

Besides, for now, I’m off. Off to discover what (in addition to being a mother) I am going to do with the rest of my life.